I'm questioning my sanity right now. I'm questioning my ability to put words to paper. . . or, you know, computer screen. I'm questioning why anyone would want to read what I have to say. I'm questioning where I'll find the hours in the week to make this happen. I'm questioning what feedback I could possibly give that would help someone else grow as a writer.
So, yeah, questioning all of it. Well, really, all of me.
Because isn't that what happens when we step into something new. First day at a new school and we're sure we dressed wrong and our voice sounds different and should I admit I love sports or is that the kiss of death here?
Isn't that what happens when we step into something we really want that means a lot to us? All of the self doubt we thought we had worked through pushes up and becomes the very air we breathe.
In my head it's a run-on sentence that sounds something like this: having a fourth kid has thrown me right over the sucks at life edge and the laundry and the schooling and the nonexistent friend I've been and the nonexistent wife I've been and cooking and some form of housekeeping and playing and where's the sleep and now you add writing to the list what were you thinking really truly seriously sincerely what were you thinking, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING??
But then I watched this video. That Kid President sure knows how to make people want to show up. Show up and make this life worth living. After all, "I've got air coming through my nose." So why waste this air coming through my nose. It's time to get working on my own personal Space Jam.
I'm not exactly sure what my Space Jam looks like. It's hard to imagine myself creating something awesome. Sure, I dream about creating something awesome, putting words on paper that people want to read because it speaks to a place in their heart that feels closed off to the wonder of life. But it doesn't feel like it could ever be more than a dream. So I sign up for a writing class and start choking on the bile of self-doubt. And that's where I am right now. Smack dab in the middle of questions.
Waiting on some answers.