Thursday, September 25, 2014

Stating the obvious

There are things I know in my brain, but I don't know, know, know them until I feel them in my gut. This week I am feeling things in my gut and it's not my favorite. We drove away from Minnesota one week ago. That was hard. Now it's sinking in. I am missing so many of the little, yet colossally big things that made that place my home. I'm realizing I will never do most of those things again.

I will never use the garage code to grab baking soda out of my neighbor's pantry and move the wet clothes to her dryer.

I will never look out the window and see my three big kids playing with a slew of neighbor kids that I know and love because they're great kids and because I've watched all of them grow up together.

No more science classes from the best homeschool science teacher/biology professor.

I will never share a neighborhood bible study or trivia night with "The women of the street."

Asher won't learn to ride bike on the perfect little street for bike learning or have his built in playmates across the street.

No more mojitos delivered for happy hour on really rotten days with a big hug and a little time to chat.

No more impromptu beach days with friends.

No more "which way are you running around the lake? I'll meet you in the middle" runs.

I won't be at tonight's book club.

I knew all of these things, but I just didn't know how deeply I'd feel it. There's a gigantic void. I think it's made more difficult by this middle move. There are things I'm really looking forward to about being in Nebraska, but it also adds an extra level of uncertainty to an already uncertain time. Plus we're hanging low while sweet Elliot recovers from bronchitis. So I sit in these four walls of this house and wish I were looking out on reeds turning brown in the cooling September pond water. I wish I heard familiar laughter bouncing off the pond. I wish. I wish. I wish.

But, I'm here. So I'll get this baby boy better and we'll go hiking and throw rocks in the Platte River. We'll keep learning about Mesopotamia and cursive and multiplication. We'll visit the zoo again and maybe take a science class there. We'll check out the closest park.

There's a lot here. Today I'm just thinking of there.

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