Monday, March 23, 2015

Hard Reset. Perspective. New Week.

Yesterday I purchased packing tape because I have to start packing up the house we are renting even though we don't know where we will live next. The owner of the home is putting it on the market in a few weeks, which mean I have to have a house that I don't own and don't care if it sells show-ready. It might not be so insulting if I knew I had a home to move to, but, alas, I do not.

So, we pull the boxes out of the little storage room at the back of the garage and we tape the bottoms and fill them to the tip top and tape them shut and label them. At first we label so clearly. "Extra towels: kids' bathroom." It goes downhill from there until the day we have to move out when the boxes say stuff like this: "Random crap. I have no idea." We have ample experience in the moving department, especially this year.

But, I bought the tape and have the first few boxes filled and I didn't even feel like I was going to vomit so I would say that is a big step in the right direction.

I attribute that to what I am calling my hard reset. I was just down in the dumps over the housing situation, realtor stuff, Jim's work stuff, kids being sick one after the other, and sleep deprivation because nothing I do inspires Asher to sleep worth a darn. It just built up until I thought I would blow and I was probably pretty tough to be around.

Thankfully, my mom came to the rescue and the kids and I spent one night at her house where she fed us and watched the kids while I went for a run and sent us home with lots of meals so I wouldn't have to worry about cooking so much this week. It was only 24 hours, but it was just exactly what I needed to get life back into perspective. Thanks, mom!

And Asher played with this wand, which made him supremely happy. And he thinks squinting is smiling for the camera. Goofy!

I love these people!

Yesterday the kids and I went to church and although Elliot spent much of the service giggling at Asher because Asher was smiling (I remember this same nonsense, out of control laughing between my brother and me at church way back in the day), and trying to join Asher on my lap because "I jut want to hug him all of the time, mama," I still walked away inspired by the message and feeling more okay about all of the question marks in our lives.

I am packing up. I have no idea where and when I will eventually unpack. But my wants are so minor compared to the needs of this world. When I focus less on my wants and more on sharing the love and gifts that fill my heart, the world is a much kinder, gentler, less scary place. And that's what I'm clinging to today. In spite of question marks and mistakes.

The starts aligned and I got Asher down for a nap today and it lasted longer then 45 minutes. He woke up and the kids and I went hiking.
Hiking along Bear Creek

possibly the world's best climbing tree

My little rock climbers

so fierce!
I lost my temper about something dumb. I sometimes look at my oldest son and forget he's 11. I think I need to protect him from things that he has under control. He balks at that and I can't figure out why. Until I'm upstairs sitting in a dark room nursing his baby brother before bed and I realize that, in a lot of ways, I can step back now. I can give him more space. That is so amazing. And it scares the living bejeepers out of me, too.

I got the rest of the kids to bed and sat on the couch next to my son and we talked about more freedom and more responsibility and how sometimes I look at him and see my little baby. We talked about good choices and being part of a family and forgiving and loving. It was a great end to a great weekend.
My loves. And how big does Asher look here?! And how amazing is it that we're all smiling?!
Here's to a new week. New adventures. And maybe even a few answers to our many questions.

What about you? What was the highlight of your weekend?

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