I posted this on my blog's facebook page last night.
Loving people this much is such an honor and brings so much joy, but so much pain as well. Watching my kids hurt is its own form of torture and, like the vast majority of parents, I would do anything to take their hurts and make them mine. If I could choose a super power, that would be it. But I can't. So I talk and hug and love and pray. It's what I can do.
I had just spent a substantial amount of time with a child who is stressed about life. About missing friends and where are we going to live next and wanting to feel settled. Our life has been pretty up in the air for quite a long time. (that is an understatement.) Our kids have handled it with more grace and strength than I could have imagined. For that I am really proud of them. But everyone has their breaking point. We have kept the things that we can keep normal as normal as possible. We have done our best to keep our concerns to ourselves, but our bigger kids are old enough to know how calendars work and to know that our timeline for finding a home is getting tight. They also know that the houses we visit and like sell in two days.
My kid is strong and caring to others and doesn't like to ask for help. That kid can sniff out a person in distress a mile away and aches to help. That kid is hurting now. A hurt that a mama can't take away. I was wiping tears and reminding that tears don't mean weakness. Help doesn't mean weakness. Tears mean the emotion-happy, sad, scared, excited, afraid-is so big that it needs a way to bubble out of our bodies and sometimes tears are the way out. Help means the people around you get the chance to lift you up, like you've offered support so many times. These are big lessons for most of us as grown-ups, let alone kids. I was wiping tears and telling of the days when my big kids were babies and no matter what was wrong, I could make it go away. And how I miss those days because I hate to see them hurt, but also how I love having big kids because of the relationship we have now and the ways we can help each other and laugh and cry and talk and just be together.
This parenthood thing does not get easier. Drat, huh? Asher's up 12 times a night and now I know that's the easy part. But it does get better, fuller, more rewarding, too.
So, because my kid is stressed, I'm in threatcon level black, orange, fuschia, purple, fire to find a house! So much would be solved with one little yes on an offer. It wouldn't make life perfect. It wouldn't make it stress free. But in the eyes of one little person who carries the weight of the world around like a chain, it would be a huge relief.