Tuesday, August 11, 2015

One year

One year ago we accepted an offer on our house in Minnesota.

A close friend recently asked if I was happy with our decision. I've been contemplating that question a lot, which is pretty normal when an anniversary rolls around, even if it is just a sell your house anniversary.

The easy answer is, "Yes. It was the right decision and I'm happy with it." And that is true.

But the full answer is, "Yes. It was the right decision and I'm happy with it and it is harder than I ever imagined, but I still know we are in the right place for our family." Isn't life just complicated like that?

Even though we love it here and the mountains, oh, the mountains, and the kids are settling in with sports and church stuff, it is just hard.

I am lonely and Jim is in MN a lot. A lot lot. Or MA or CA or some other state that we aren't in. I am overwhelmed and I want the friendships and security and ease of relationships that I had, but those things don't happen overnight. People here are kind. We will find our place. When I forget that truth, my kids remind me. When they forget that truth, I remind them. We need those reminders less and less with each passing month.

In Minnesota, I loved the people, but it never felt quite right. It never felt like that was it for us. Here I feel at home in my soul and I am waiting for the friendships and loving community to follow suit. That's not quite true. I am working for the friendships and the loving community. We are hosting s'more parties and ice cream socials, accepting invitations, issuing invitations, and putting ourselves out there. It isn't particularly easy, but the payoff will be grand. My friends in Minnesota taught me that friendship is a beautiful gift, that being truly me and accepting truly them is a beautiful gift. It is a gift that requires effort and nurturing, time and commitment.

I'd say it's still bittersweet, like I wrote about here. After many detours and frustrations, we are right where we are supposed to be. In many ways it is sweeter than I could have hoped. I guess that's what home feels like. But the bitter is still there, too. The missed moments of nephew birthday parties and running with my best friends, the next door neighbor with three of everything in her kitchen and family close enough to visit more often.

I look forward to what is to come. I still believe it's good stuff.

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