Then you play your guitar and sing a worship song with such feeling and warmth that I glimpse the future you.
You sled with your brothers and sisters for hours on end, giggling and throwing snowballs and full of silliness.
Then you want to be by yourself and say their games are too boring.
You read Hop on Pop to Asher and laugh at the top of your lungs.
Then you close that book and open Revelations in the Bible or a Harry Potter book.
You think it's weird and wrong that so many parents let their kids play violent video games and use their phone all the time.
Then you tell us you'd like to have your own phone, but know you can't. (You're right, by the way.)
|Celebrating his 12th birthday with family|
|little baby Isaac at almost 5 months|
|Bringing me such joy|
I remember when you turned five. I tucked you in and sang your lullabies and cried because I thought things would be so different the next day. But they weren't. Not right away. For all the millions of ways that things have changed since I first held beautiful, wonderful, perfect for me, you on February 11, 2004, so many things have remained the same.
|Isaac's 4th birthday party|
|Isaac and his dinosaur cake|
Your smile. My love. Your laughter. My desire to be the best mama for you that I can be. Your curiosity. My awe.
|Our toothless wonder turns 6|
|Birthday fun at the Mall of America|
|A winter walk in our MN neighborhood|
We've grown a lot these twelve years, Isaac. They placed you on my chest and I breathed the sigh of a woman who just discovered her place in this world. When I was pushing, I dramatically exclaimed, "I don't know why anyone does this more than once." Then I held you and I looked into your dad's eyes through the happiest of tears and cried, "Now I know." You've taught me more than I knew possible. I've failed and loved and worried and loved some more. I've prayed and cried and laughed and hoped and wondered and marveled. I've disappointed you before and I will disappoint you again, but I hope that when you look back at me, at us, at our complex and ever-evolving relationship, you will remember love. Love that you received and love that you gave, because both have meant the world to me.
|Sledding together for Isaac's 9th birthday|
|Isaac's 12th birthday wish came true when his second favorite team won the Super Bowl. |
We surprised them with a trip to the celebration parade.
|Isaac in a nutshell. Emotions on his sleeve and a MN sports fan at heart|
|Birthday fun at the arcade|
|Bowling with family and friends|