Thursday, August 10, 2017

Love and goodbyes

She knows all of the lyrics to recent rap and R&B music.

Her house is all brand new and angles and contemporary and red and white and gray.

Her dogs get groomed far more often than I do and at a much higher cost, too.

I mean, she doesn't like t-shirts, for Pete's sake.

Who is this woman?

She's my mom, and today is a big day in our little world. Somehow, in spite of all those differences, this woman birthed and raised me!

When we moved to Colorado, we came because we loved the state and, despite it looking like absolute nonsense on paper and confusing most people who saw us as so settled and involved in our community in Minnesota, it just felt right in our guts. Now, despite loads of difficulties and setbacks, it is our home. A delightful perk of CO life is that my mom lived one hour away from us. I haven't lived in the same state as my mom since I was 19 years old. She has always been very involved in our lives and extremely supportive of our family, but it's always been from a distance of many states away. When we moved here, that involvement, support, and love took the form of monthly sleepovers for one kid at a time to grow their relationship, periodic family dinners, birthday celebrations, and most holidays spent together. It has been an absolute gift.

Today that changes as my mom and stepdad begin a new adventure in California. Adding insult to injury is the fact that the move is not on their own timeline, but is brought about by medical reasons. Thankfully, it is nothing life threatening, but it is serious enough that a move is necessary.

To say we are sad is an understatement. It is this big pile of big emotions as we realize how dang fortunate we are to have so much loving family in our lives. As we realize how fortunate we are to have had the opportunity to live near them for almost three years. As we realize how fortunate we are to love and be loved so well. We really do know how fortunate we are.

But we want more. Because we are so terribly sad to say goodbye to the intimacy and time that only proximity allows. The love won't end, won't even fade, but everything else will change. A one hour drive turns into a 15 hour drive. Twice monthly visits become three or four times a year. I am a greedy human, aren't I?

I have truly cherished this time living near my mom, in spite of arguments and misunderstandings that are bound to come with two people who love each other, have intense similarities, extreme differences, and a deep need to communicate with all of the words as often as possible.

The bottom line is that I know I can be an adult and parent and live a beautiful life without living near my mom. I just really don't want to.

But I will. Obviously. The kids and I will cry some more, wipe our tears, and look forward to seeing nana and babu at Thanksgiving. We are so thrilled that my mom will feel so much better physically. We know they will make their new house into an amazing home and will fill it with friends and parties, contemporary design and rap music, but no t-shirts. We'll make sure we bring plenty when we visit.

What a day. Here's to new adventures.

Love you, mom.


  1. Hugs Denae! I can imagine the sadness you are all feeling. Hugs and prayers for you all!! MN is still here❤️